We all know that the end of the year is approaching and we realize that we are not completely proud of how we have handled everything. Maybe we've had more sweets than is healthy this year or we've drunk way too much alcohol. When the end of the year is in sight, we try to set our good intentions to make the best possible start to the new year and to break these unhealthy habits. However, we often only maintain this for a few weeks and then fall back into the old course of unhealthy habits. But how do we really make a change and break our old/unhealthy patterns?
New Year resolutions start now
The question you have to ask yourself is, why can't we start now? Why don't I plan my resolutions until the new year? Am I afraid to take the step or would I rather stick to something that feels familiar so that I don't feel like I can 'fail'? When making new resolutions it is very important to ask this question, what is the blockage that prevents me from starting until next year. If you really want to change, you can do so now.
A common misconception is that we have only succeeded if the intention is achieved. As a result, the bar is very high and we prefer to postpone our resolution to the new year. For example, a resolution could be: I want to lose 10 kilos next year. The bar is immediately set high and there are no moments to celebrate in between, as it is only achieved when we have lost 10 kilos. We can therefore better focus on smaller goals that will ultimately lead to weight loss. Like I want to have built up a routine in a month, where I go to the gym at least 2 times a week or exercise at least 1 hour every day. As a result, we set less ambitious goals that can be achieved within a shorter period of time.
It is important that we celebrate our goals regularly, this will help us continue with our goals more quickly. If there is nothing to celebrate, we will eventually stop and become discouraged because we focus on that one big goal. So with a big goal, try to set at least 5 intermediate goals that will bring you closer to your big goal. This will keep you motivated and keep you busy with a smile on your face.
A basic form of self-esteem is indispensable
If we don't know what we actually want, get caught up in the rut of today's society and culture, we will not be able to set healthy goals. Characteristic of Western society is that we learn from childhood that we have to achieve or follow something in order to be worthy enough. You've probably heard your parents tell you that you can't watch TV until you get a good grade in school or that if you don't behave you will be punished. This has given us a belief that some things are bad and others are good. We used to depend on our parents, which led us to develop certain thinking patterns, values ​​and goals.
For example, if your parents used to be very focused on the fact that school is important and you had to get good grades, we often have that same belief in our adult lives. We often set goals that are in accordance with this belief. If we did not have a healthy relationship with our parents in the past (may go unnoticed) and we only received a compliment or appreciation if we got a good grade, we often drift in our adult lives and strive for the best job and best position to but to get that appreciation we were always looking for.
Ultimately, it is important to take matters into our own hands and rediscover our true values. This is only possible if we offer ourselves the safety and space to discover this. You can see it a bit like a child, if you continuously shout at a child or act unkindly, the child will shut down and withdraw. If you open up, the child will also open up. We also have an inner child, by opening up we can gain trust and rediscover ourselves. It is important to provide a safe base, this can be done by not punishing yourself, but by giving yourself love.
Don't set goals to prove something to others
Goals based on convincing others or proving something will never last long or healthily. If you set goals, you must really want this yourself and also benefit from it for yourself. For example, you can set a goal to become rich so that you can buy an expensive car or Louis Vuitton bag, but this will not make anyone happier. In our current society, status is very important, which creates beliefs that we are only good enough if we have expensive things or look 'perfect'.
These goals can eventually be achieved, but happiness will not get you out of them. It is a shame to focus on something that does not give us genuine satisfaction. We can then better invest our time and effort in something that makes us happy or that connects us with others and nature.
A right mindset is inevitable
For lasting change, we first need a change in our mindset. Only when we start living and pursuing our values ​​will our goals align with them. If we set goals that deep down we do not actually want to achieve, the motivation is not there, only when we get to know ourselves and see which goals we actually find important will results be achieved. We are then willing to fight to make these goals come true, as there is a strong inner drive. So stop wasting time fooling yourself, follow your heart and become the best version of yourself.