Love? What does this word mean? When you look at the wars and hatred that take place in the world, it seems as if we sometimes no longer understand this word. Of course this is not the case everywhere, but love is often missing in everyday life. We can say 'I love you', but if we don't love ourselves, it will never reach anyone else. Today we have become separated from our own selves, making it difficult for us to love and be there for ourselves and others. But how do we learn to find this love again and does it make sense if I love, but the people around me cannot?
Background of Humans
As humans, we are made to mirror and receive signals from the behavior of others. This used to allow us to see whether the situation we were in was safe and whether we belonged to the group if we mirrored the feelings of others. Fewer demands were placed on us then and we often had one goal: collecting food as men and taking care of the children as women.
Struggles today's society
Nowadays this is difficult, so much is expected of us that it quickly feels like we don't deserve love. This often makes us a bit grumpier and we will also take this out on others. Usually others take this personally and we get the feeling that we are not allowed to be there. We then enter a negative spiral with society. It is therefore important to realize that what others do says something about them and not about us. We are always worthy of being loved. In a society like this, we are raised to believe that we must perform or obey to be worth anything. This has a lot of negative impact on our (adult) lives. We get the feeling that we are never allowed to be happy, as it has to be earned.
Only when we love ourselves for both our negative and positive sides can we heal and experience genuine love. When we reject parts of ourselves, we love ourselves conditionally. You can compare it a bit like a bond with you/a child. If you reject the child, the child will distance himself more and more from you, become cold and no longer trust you. Only when we are open to him/her will the child be able to share with us the love that lies within them. That's exactly how it works with our own inner child. Only when we gain trust will our inner child be able to provide the love we long for.
Regaining trust does not happen overnight. It is important to stay consistent and realize that we are worth loving unconditionally. We can do this, for example, by mentioning mantras: for example, saying to yourself 10 times a day: 'I am always good enough and I never have to prove myself'. Since this feeling of unworthiness comes from the past, it is important to face our traumas and begin to heal them. Only when we learn to realize that everyone has their own truth and that what has been imposed on us are therefore not facts. Can we start to shape our own lives as we see them, without all the imposed values?
5 Tips to learn Self-Love:
Here are five tips to experience more self-love and care less about what others think of you:
Book tip
Atomic Habits by James Clear. This book is extremely useful for confronting old/unhelpful habits and changing them. The book offers a proven method that works great to finally change your 'bad' habits and achieve your goals. This way you can get started with your good habits and start your healing process!
